Life has a way of throwing curveballs that we’re never quite prepared for, and the past year and a half has been another challenging time in my life. I’ve struggled to find the words to share my story, but now, with a heart full of both grief and gratitude, I’m ready to catch up and let you into my world again.
Reflecting on the last few posts I’ve made on my blog, I feel like it’s turned into one big open apology for constantly disappearing into the abyss, but so many good things have happened in the past year, amidst some chaos. Being a business owner makes you feel like you have to constantly be creating content and putting yourself and all the details of your life onto the internet, but honestly, I’ve appreciated my social media hiatus to just be with my family and cut out the chatter of the rest of the world.
In June of 2023, my life changed forever when my dad tragically passed away in a car accident right down the road from my house. Dad was late coming home from voting. I woke up from a nap, mom was driving school bus and was at the intersection right around the corner when the emergency vehicles went flying through. Mom came home in a fit since Dad’s car wasn’t there. We sent my husband, Dave, over to check the accident to put mom at ease that it wasn’t dad…. only to see his car crushed.
The pain was overwhelming, and I shut down. Social media felt impossible. While I was still running my store at Shoppes at Dragon Village and rebuilding my portrait studio, I couldn’t put the energy I needed to truly make it grow. I retained a lot of guilt (and still do) for everything that happened with my wedding business – the lack of communication, long turn around times, burn out, etc from everything that had happened pre-pandemic. That little voice in the back of my mind still haunts me that maybe I’m not built for running a business. I stepped away from writing—especially my novel, which hit far too close to home as it centered on a character navigating the loss of a parent in a similar way. Everything reminded me of dad, and the weight of it all felt unbearable.
At the same time, my personal life was unraveling. There were days I would just start crying for what felt like no reason out of the blue. I felt dead, yet the tears kept coming. Dave and I were going through a period of deep misunderstanding, lack of communication, and a breakdown of boundaries. We both had changed as people since we got together in high school and we struggled to compromise and let go of past issues. In the aftermath of my dad’s death, our marriage couldn’t withstand the strain, and we made the difficult decision to divorce.
Growth can come from the hardest places. Dave and I both had a chance to find ourselves as individuals, make serious changes, and realize what we wanted from a relationship and how to communicate it. Through therapy and a lot of self-reflection, we were able to confront our individual struggles, rebuild trust, and learn how to truly support each other as we found our way back to one another. This journey has taught me that love isn’t easy, but it’s worth fighting for when both people are committed to healing and growth.
Having my family back together has truly made me happy and realize what matters. I don’t feel the need to share every aspect of my life with everyone. The only reason I decided to make this post was because it’s easier than answering hundreds of private messages at once.
Earlier this year, we discovered that I was pregnant. The news brought immense joy, but it also came with challenges. We only told immediate family and friends that stopped by the store and actually saw the belly once I couldn’t hide it anymore. Early pregnancy wasn’t terrible compared to how sick I was with my daughter, Kira, but I did develop Cholestasis again and polyhydramnios, a condition that caused additional complications. Towards the end of my third trimester, my blood pressure skyrocketed, putting me at high risk for postpartum preeclampsia and seizures. I ended up in the hospital —first at the beginning of December for monitoring due to contractions and irregularities in our baby’s heart rate, and again on December 27th as things continued.
Our son, Riley, decided to make his grand entrance on December 28th at 36 weeks. It was a whirlwind. His umbilical cord was in a knot and wrapped around his neck, and he struggled to breathe, requiring immediate support with a CPAP in the NICU. Seeing him in that fragile state broke my heart, but I knew he was in the best place he could be. Going home without him after I was released from the hospital made it harder, but thankfully it wasn’t too long before we could bring him home. Somehow I managed to stay positive throughout and Kira absolutely adores her new baby brother. My latest life struggle is making sure she doesn’t squeeze him too hard with all the hugs and kisses she wants to smother him with.
This past year, plus, has been a rollercoaster of grief, love, loss, and new beginnings. I’ve learned to lean on the people who love me, to give myself grace in the hard moments, and to find joy even in the chaos. I’m excited to slowly step back into the world—to write again, to create, to connect. Here’s to healing, to growth, and to new beginnings in the new year.
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